Written by: Sharmee Prabhu USA
Have you felt like 24 hour is not enough. Have you had ” a to do list” that never ends. Have you felt you are worried about what needs to be done at an another time rather than focusing on the current moment. YES this is 21st century and most of us would have felt most of the time or at least some of time like this in a day.
Since 1960 many social revolution had occurred in our society. One of the major revolution had occurred in the field of education and child rearing. Dr. David Elkind author of “The Hurried Child” says ” we used to see children as a blank slate and as a growing plant (at least when I used to be a child). But now children are considered as super kid with precocious competence”.
In today’s world children are expected to grow fast beginning with early childhood. Several decades ago accelerating children to acquire academic skills early was considered as bad parenting. The society believed “early ripe early rot.” There is a radical turnout of attitude had happened. This kind of change could be traced back to 1960s, where boys would run around in shorts. But now children’s clothing industry are providing miniature adult clothing. Cosmetics industry is also providing all range of adult products tailored for children ex: make ups, high heel shoes, hand bags etc. Technology for children is available from infancy in the form of toy laptops, toy phones etc. Media is also promoting developmentally inappropriate programs show casting sexually active teenagers. Advanced transportation system is allowing children to travel overseas by themselves at a very young age. Single parenting has increased over the past two decades and it comes with lots of stress in the form of handling children emotionally and financially. This stress on parents reflects on the children and they are expected to take more responsibility much earlier than children who grow up with both parents. All these changes shows that we are consciously or unconsciously wanting our children to grow up fast.
But as much as we like our children to grow, their feelings and emotions have their own developmental timeline and cannot be hurried. ” children behaviour and appearance speak adult and their feelings cry child” says Dr. David Elkind. During adolescent age negative consequences of hurrying children are evident. Many adolescent children feel betrayed by the society that wants them to grow up fast but also to remain child. Violence at school are increasing, costing innocent lives to perish for the emotional instability of teenagers who gave up on themselves and the society.
Sidmund freud says, ”Children need their own time to learn, grow and develop”. Overall stress created with years of hurrying weighs children with several off sets like stress, aggressive behaviour, anxiety and thoughts of suicide. Studies about hurried children reveals that patterns of reaction to stress established in childhood can be carried over into adulthood and become autonomous. This also leads to health issues and they are prone to cholesterol problems and heart disease. Contemporary children suffer from free floating anxiety which is caused by hurrying children from day care to baby sitter and from baby sitter to home. Free floating anxiety can be in the form of restlessness, irritability, inability to concentrate and low mood are the most pervasive responses to hurrying children. Children who are stressed in early childhood might exhibit school burnout. They are often tardy, cut classes, use or abuse alcohol and may even drop out of school when it is legally possible. Another stress reaction is “learned helplessness”. Learned helplessness is a state where that person knows that something bad is happening to them and is unable to do anything about it, in such cases even where there is a possibility to solve a problem that person might feel withdrawn and may give up easily, believing they don’t have control of that situation. Basically in simple terms stress activates “fight or flight mode”, leading to a pattern of reactions either by giving up easily and run away from problem or fight without looking for alternatives.
Although the pressure to get things done has created a better world, it has also resulted is lasting impatience in our life styles. Children who are hurried in young age feel rejected, in their perception chances are that they feel rejected completely by parents rather than to a relative situation. It is very important to explain children the reason behind going to a daycare or a place and the adults feelings about separation. For ex: explaining children why parents need to work and expressing their feelings about how sad they are to leave them and also how important it is to do their job in simple age appropriate language will help children realises that they are not rejected. Being thoughtful and considerate to children help them to see that they are valued and will feel belonged.
For school age children it is important to communicate that we appreciate their understanding in sharing adult responsibilities. At adolescent age hurrying is also perceived as rejection. To summarise “young children tend to blame themselves, children tend to blame the world and adolescents blame their parents”, says Dr. David Elkind.
Antidote to hurrying: The author also provided antidote for the prevailing problems. Providing opportunity for genuine play is the most important antidote for children. Groos’s theory pointed out that play is a preparation for life. So is Italian educator Maria Montessori who made it tenet of her educational program stating, ” play is the child’s work”. Hurried children work much more than they play, because of this they are stressed. Investing quality time in play is a stress reliever for both children and adults. Creative arts and building with blocks have lasting benefits during childhood. As far as for adults: dwelling in the past and in the future are ways of unnecessary stress. Children live in the present and they can really sense when we are around and we are not mentally present with them. Spending quality time with children, by being there for them without looking in to our phones or computer will make them realise they are valued and they also belong to the family. Having a time chart on how much quality time one could spend with their children is a great eye opener and planner for adults with very busy life style. Dr. Elkind strongly believes that the “Art of living is naturally learned by children when the parents and care takers have a way to see life as whole”.
Reflection:
As an early childhood educator I agree with authors perspective on how a child is affected in early childhood years. Day by day number of children with challenging behaviours in the classroom are increasing. when we try to normalise the children, most of the time those children are from families with very busy life styles. It also made me wonder, are we making right choices when it comes to child rearing? Are we providing enough time for children to experience the wonders of every day discoveries? Are today’s children dealt more like a commodity or investment? Are we snipping their wings of curiosity? Are they constantly yearning to feel belonged?
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