Written By: Alen Kuriakose, Trainer, HSSW.
Our students are our children. It is the duty of the teacher to maintain discipline in the classroom. But rather than discipline imposed by teacher, the most important thing that the student should ensure is self-discipline.
Then, what is self-discipline? This question is very important not just to a school going kid but to every human child born in this world. In simple terms we can think of self-discipline as the ability to manage ourselves to reach our goals. It is the ability to manage one’s emotions, anxiety and impulses well enough to resist temptation.
Self-discipline can be cultivated. Ability to focus attention and working memory and to self-regulate actions, can be improved with explicit teaching, support, and practice, even among non-school going children. You may be thinking, how it can be done. You may be a parent or a teacher who
is thinking deeply of children who exhibits peculiar behavior.
How can we deal with them?
• Trust- the foundation of self-control
Parents who respond to children develop or foster trust in them. Think about a small child crying out loudly. When the parent comes and picks up and pacifies him, there emerges a feeling that the parent will be there for him always. Every time he’s soothed, his brain strengthens to soothe anxiety and regulate emotions, which will eventually allow him to soothe himself. Parents or teachers help their children reach this relatively mature stage faster every time they soothe anxiety and foster a feeling of safety and acceptance.
• Elders are the models of children’s emotional regulation
When elders can’t manage their emotional turbulence properly or treat children’s mischiefs with angrily. It creates a notion in them that life is full of anxieties and stress and it is the way you treat them. This handicaps the child in learning to soothe his own upsets, which makes it difficult for him to control his emotions or behavior. So elders should make sure that they deal their situations with ease and regulate it. So that the children can model you in their life.
An example is, when your child of about three climbs up a shelf , you immediately panic and angrily scold him for doing that. Instead if you can appreciate him and give him necessary advices how to climb down. It may necessarily stay you calm and builds self-control him. It also helps him to take his own decisions related to climbing down.
• Practice- essential for self-discipline
Every time kids voluntarily give up something they want for something they want more, they build the brain functioning that are associated with self-discipline. When he’s forced to give something up, he isn’t practicing self-discipline. Notice if he never has to let go of something he wants, he doesn’t get the chance to practice controlling himself. The child is practicing self-discipline only when he has a goal.
When your child gets hold of a sharp knife and tries to cut something. You may immediately scold him and take away the knife. You are forcing him to give up the work that he was doing and averting him from using knife. He never practices to control the use of knife. The child is practicing self-discipline only when he has a goal.
• Empathetic limits gives practice in self-discipline
Every time we set a limit that our child accepts, she’s practicing self-control. When your kid takes bath, it is sure that he will keep on playing. Let him play in the tub or bucket but say ‘no’ to splash all over the bathroom and mess it. What he wants is the loving connection with his parents. So punishment doesn’t encourage self-discipline because the child isn’t actually choosing to stop what she was doing; she’s being forced. Permissiveness doesn’t encourage self-discipline because the child doesn’t feel a need to stop herself. Set a limit with understanding, so that your child is willing to accept it, is what helps your child develop self-discipline.
• Waiting up to a point - A good practice for self-control
Kids who get practice in ‘waiting’, learn to tolerate waiting and create a trust in them that waiting will be worth. But don’t let them wait above a limit and never let them scream for their needs. It will not develop self-control.
If your child ask to pick up a toy which is in the cupboard, while you are busy with your kitchen work. Ask him wait for some time and manage with the available toys till you loosen from your most necessary work. Slowly the child learns the difference between what is very important and the lesser. The parent needs to be lovingly available to help the child overcome the situation.
Self-discipline is all about learning to regulate our emotions, which allows us to regulate our thoughts and behavior. We can’t control the world around us, but we can control our actions and the way we respond to it. Self-control is the way which helps child to build will power to tackle the social situations around them and to be sociable.
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